


Nameless

by pretty_ish



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Smut, Top Chae Hyungwon, but its ok now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:27:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_ish/pseuds/pretty_ish
Summary: "Are you afraid of them talking behind your back?""No... quite the opposite actually.""Opposite?""I'm afraid I'm far too irrelevant for them to even think of me."





	Nameless

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Wonho and Hyungwon's names aren't revealed until later. For the sake of the story, they're anonymous and named Empathy and Irrelevancy. I don't believe it's hard to guess who is who though.   
> Anyway, please enjoy!!!

Friday 7:32 pm

     "Sorry, guys, I really can't hang out tonight. I have a lot of stuff to do at home." Empathy said. "I'm staying here late to finish some work too." He explained to a few of his friends. Of course he was lying. He just didn't feel up to it, so he just stuck around at work and waited for everyone else to leave so he could close up the shop. He worked at Clipped as a hairdresser that was trusted by his boss and fellow workers.

     "You're a liar." He heard a voice say from the back of the shop. Empathy sighed and went to check who it was. He sighed as he saw one of the hairdressers quietly eating his dinner in the back.

     "Why are you still here?" Empathy asked him.

     "I always stay late." He answered. "Not like anyone notices."

     "Say... I remember you introducing yourself, but I can't seem to remember your name... What was it?" Empathy asked.

     "It's not important." The latter replied quietly.

     "Oh. Since it's not important, I'll call you Irrelevancy." Empathy said. Irrelevancy grumbled. "Hey, you said it wasn't important!" Empathy laughed.

     "Okay." Is all he said back. This made Empathy bored. He thought he'd get a better reaction from Irrelevancy. Maybe even get him flustered. Empathy had had his eye on the slightly apathetic boy since he started working at the shop. His attitude made Empathy wonder how he could have ever been hired in the first place.

     Irrelevancy was a quiet person when there were no customers. No one was really attracted to him as a friend because he didn't associate himself with anyone else unless he absolutely had to. He spoke to the customers though and put on a smile for them. He was a great hairdresser too. He seemed far more experienced than the others.

     Empathy and him were the only ones who could properly dye and style hair. The others... they were okay. Despite Irrelevancy's efforts at work, he was never booked for and took the walk-in customers. He seemed okay with this, but Empathy realised quickly that he was barely tipped and just holding on. Empathy didn't understand why Irrelevancy didn't do anything about this.

     "Say, how old are you, _Irrelevancy_?" Empathy asked. Irrelevancy sighed, stabbing at his salad.

     "Twenty-four." Irrelevancy answered quietly. Empathy whistled.

     "Pretty young." He said.

     "No. Not anymore. You're expected to know how to pay bills and such by the time you're sixteen whether it's taught or not. No one is young anymore." Irrelevancy said. _He has a good point._ Empathy thought.

     "Hmm... never thought of it that way." He mumbled. "You don't seem to like talking much." Irrelevancy didn't reply. "Okay, okay," Empathy said. "How have you liked working here?"

     "Why are you asking so many questions?" Irrelevancy snapped.

     "I don't know. I just wanna get to know you better. Understand my fellow employee." Empathy explained.

     "You don't need to burden yourself with it." Irrelevancy said. Empathy frowned.

     "Huh? Burden myself? I want to be your friend."

     "My friendship is unimportant at the end of the day. Any kind of likeness to me will fade away fast. Don't waste your time." Irrelevancy muttered.

     "Well, it's my time to waste."

* * * Monday 8:42 am

     "Could you grab me a coffee?" One of the employees, Kihyun, asked Irrelevancy. Irrelevancy inaudibly groaned and nodded. _He can just get it himself, it's not like he's busy..._ He thought. Empathy put on his jacket as others chimed in for the morning coffee run. It wasn't like there were any customers in the shop, but they acted like they were busy for the sake of being lazy.

     "What are you doing?" Irrelevancy asked Empathy.

     "I'm going with you." Empathy told him.

     "You don't need to..."

     "Don't be silly, you can't carry all those coffees by yourself!" Empathy said. Irrelevancy didn't reply. "You seem quite scared to say no to them." He pointed out. The latter still didn't reply as they walked out of the barber shop. "Are you afraid of them disliking you and talking behind your back?"

     "I'm afraid of not being important enough to be spoken about behind my back." This reply shocked Empathy. _Does he always think this way about himself?_ he thought.

     "Oh." Is all he said. They walked in silence across the street before Empathy broke it with annoying questions. "What kinds of things do you like?" He asked.

     "You have a knack for not knowing when to shut up." Irrelevancy mumbled. Empathy smiled and nodded. Irrelevancy frowned.

     "Uh-huh. So, the answer?"

     "You have to guess." Irrelevancy teased.

     "Huh?" Empathy exclaimed. Irrelevancy nodded.

     "I won't answer unless it's a yes or no question." He told Empathy. Now Empathy was frowning and Irrelevancy was slightly smiling.

     "Fine. Do you like movies?" Empathy asked. Irrelevancy nodded. "Is this only so you don't have to directly speak to me?" Irrelevancy nodded again. "Do you like public places?" Irrelevancy shrugged. "Was that a maybe?" He nodded. "What about movie theaters?" He shook his head. "Can you sit through a movie without interruptions?" He shook his head again. "Can you eat in public?" He shrugged. "Do you like crowded places?" Irrelevancy shook his head. "Hmmm..." Empathy thought for a while. "Are restaurants too crowded?" He shook his head.

     "Why are you asking these questions?" Irrelevancy asked.

     "They're yes or no answer questions." Empathy said. Irrelevancy shrugged.

     "Okay then. You can ask more if you want." He said.

     "Yay! Then what's your name?" Empathy asked excitedly. Irrelevancy shook his head. "Awe, stingy." Empathy sulked.

     "Guess."

     "K, does it start with an a?" He shook his head. "B." No. "C." No. "D." No.

* * * 8:59 am

     "Awe, c'mon, I've been through the entire alphabet already! Are you sure it doesn't start with any of them?" Empathy exclaimed as they walked out of the cafe with the coffees.

     "I know my own name." Irrelevancy said.

     "Are you sure about that?" Empathy asked again in a firm voice.

     "Yes, I'm sure." Irrelevancy snapped. Empathy grumbled.

     "Okay, well, can I ask more questions?"

     "Yes."

     "Good." Empathy said. "What's your name?"

     "No."

     "Fine then, 'no', if you're not busy Saturday night, would you care to go out with me?" Irrelevancy froze up and dropped the tray of coffees. "Wah! I'll go get more!" Empathy said, scrambling to pick up the remains.

* * * 11:39 am

     "So? How about it?" Enpathy asked. Irrelevancy grumbled.

     "I have a customer, get away." He said, elbowing Empathy. Empathy groaned and left him alone.

* * * 11:54 am

     "Hey, you know what would be a great idea? If-"

     "If you left me alone for more than fifteen minutes."

     "You're mean."

* * * 12:22 pm

     "Has it been long enough?"

     "No."

* * * 3:47 pm

     Empathy walked up to Irrelevancy, ready to speak as he raised a finger and opened his mouth.

     "Customer." Irrelevancy cut him off as he continued to cut the customers hair. Empathy grumbled.

* * * 7:16 pm

     "Is it too late to talk to you now?" Empathy asked.

     "I'm closing up the shop."

     "I'm dead serious about this, stop avoiding it. Actually, I'm quite hurt by it." Empathy said. Irrelevancy huffed, picking up the broom and sweeping.

     "Hurts to be bad at something you've been good at forever, now, doesn't it?" Irrelevancy snapped.

     "Did I do something to you?" Empathy asked. Irrelevancy sighed heavily and shook his head.

     "Nope." He said. _The fact that he doesn't even remember..._ He thought.

     "Are you sure? Did I forget something important?"

     _Yes._

     "Don't stress yourself over it, it's fine." Empathy looked at him with a side tilt in his neck and a stern look on his face. "Well, first of all, you can't even remember my name. Second doesn't matter either." He sighed.

     "Fine... but I'm going to bring it up again."

     "Don't waste your time on it."

* * * Tuesday 5:33 pm

     Empathy had been thinking about it for a while. It bugged him that he couldn't remember. _Not like I want to remember my past anyway._ He thought, sitting down on a chair with his head in his hands. _What the hell did I do to him?_ He stressed, sighing.

     "I told you not to stress about it." Irrelevancy said as he swept up the shop. Empathy groaned loudly.

     "If I did something to you, just tell me! I feel bad that I can't remember!" He said angrily. Irrelevancy huffed, his face turning sad.

     "W-well, I sound petty and stupid for holding onto this for so long, but... when we were in high school... You were in grade twelve, I was in grade eleven... you lead me on for entertainment." Irrelevancy said sheepishly. Empathy gasped. _Ironically enough it happened in the year I didn't want to remember._ Empathy thought. "And you don't even remember my name..." Irrelevancy sulked.

     "I... don't know what to say... I'm really sorry... I." Empathy stopped himself. "Please forgive me." Irrelevancy was surprised by his sudden change in mood.

     "Did something happen?" He asked. Empathy shook his head.

     "No. I'm just sorry that I did such a shit thing to you. Especially forgetting it." He sighed.

     "It's fine, I just wanna know why you did it." Irrelevancy said.

     "I can't explain it... but... I couldn't not do it." Empathy said quietly.

     "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" Irrelevancy exclaimed. Empathy winced at his change in tone. His face heated up.

      "I didn't want to; honestly; and it wasn't my idea, but there was a lot going in and I was forced into it." He explained.

     "You were forced into it?!" The latter shouted.

     "Yes! I was! If I said no, then he'd... he would..." Empathy stopped himself again. Irrelevancy huffed. "You don't need to know why."

     "I _deserve_ to know why."

     "I don't want you to know why!" Empathy yelled. Irrelevancy glared at him.

     "Until you decide to tell me, then the answer for next Saturday is a no." Irrelevancy said. Empathy looked at him with glossy eyes.

     "I don't get you."

* * * Friday 7:23 pm

     Empathy had been acting strange lately. Irrelevancy noticed this and he became angry over it. _What the hell does he have to hide!?_ He thought angrily. Empathy wasn't even acting happy with the clients, which got him yelled at a couple of times by their manager. So he wanted to do something about it.

     "If I go out with you tomorrow, will you tell me why you're acting like this?" He suddenly asked Empathy. Empathy's eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

     "Are you sure?" He asked excitedly.

     "Do you want me to go on a date with you tomorrow or not?" Irrelevancy snapped.

     "Yeah, yeah. Then definitely."

* * * Saturday night 8:56 pm

     Empathy and Irrelevancy had just gotten back from the movie theater. Even though Irrelevancy said he disliked movie theaters, he felt different with Empathy. Empathy was about to drop him off at his house, when he remembered the promise. As they stepped out of the theater, he asked.

     "Can you tell me why now?" He asked Empathy. The other man looked down as he walked.

     "It's not something I like to talk about in public. Just wait 'til we get into the car." He said quietly. The walk to the car was quiet. Just the sound of their feet hitting the ground. When they finally got into the car, he asked again. "How much do you want me to tell you?" Empathy asked.

     "What your motivation was to do that to me." Irrelevancy told him. Empathy nodded.

     "It was less motivation and more fear and selfishness. The fact that I hurt you so I didn't need to get hurt." The man said. "You won't believe me if I tell you this. Do you remember that one teacher, Mr. Hanarete?" Irrelevancy gasped.

     "You mean... were you one of his..." He started, covering his mouth. Empathy nodded. The whole time, he kept his eyes on the road, not daring to look Irrelevancy in the eyes.

     "We were in a relationship at first. I consented to him at first, but when I asked to break up, he forced himself onto me... He was terrifying. Sadistic... and it wasn't just in a sexual way. He _liked_ it when I cried or tried to get away." He said. "And he thought it would be funny to trick me and make a game out of it. He picked one of his students. That was you obviously. He told me that if I could date you for two months, he would let me have my way and leave him." Empathy explained. "But I couldn't. It hurt me to hurt you. I just couldn't do it. So he did what he called a punishment."

     "Hoseok hyung..." Irrelevancy said. Empathy looked at him, surprised. That was the first time Irrelevancy said his name. "I never forgot your name." He said.

     "Don't I deserve to know your name now?" Hoseok asked him.

     "It's Hyungwon." Irrelevancy said. "I blamed you for something you didn't even do. I'm so sorry I held that grudge against you when it wasn't even your fault." Hyungwon apologized. Hoseok shook his head and sighed as he pulled up at the front of Hyungwon's apartment building.

     "I was to blame. I could have done something to prevent it anyway and I didn't." Hoseok said as Hyungwon unbuckled his seat belt and began to step out. "I'm sorry that it affected you so much." Hoseok said. Hyungwon stopped.

     "Hoseokkie hyung... you can't say that, it's not true." He said.

     "Just let me take the blame for it." Hoseok told Hyungwon. Hyungwon sighed and nodded.

     "I guess I understand..." He said. Hoseok parked in front of Hyungwon's apartment building. "Thank you. For taking me out and telling me the truth." Hyungwon said as he stepped out of the vehicle.

     "I'll see you on monday, yeah?" Hoseok said quietly. Hyungwon nodded and walked away.

* * * Monday 9:28 am

     "Your attitude towards me has completely changed since Saturday." Hoseok said to Hyungwon as they made their morning coffee run. Hyungwon thought Hoseok's attitude had changed the most though.

     "Is that so? You've been more distant. A bit quieter than usual too." Hyungwon said. Hoseok didn't answer to this. He _had_ been acting strange lately and he knew that. "Why is that?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok looked down.

     "I... I'm scared that you think of me differently." He said.

     "How do you think I think of you?" Hyungwon said, tilting his head.

     "You look down on me... like you think I'm a liar." Hoseok told him, sheepishly.

     "Well, are you a liar?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok shook his head. "I believe you when you say that. I don't believe you are a liar." Hyungwon said. Hoseok's face lit up.

     "Thank you for that. Not many people do believe me." He said.

     "Why would they not believe you?" Hyungwon asked.

     "Because I'm a man." Hoseok explained. Hyungwon frowned at this thought. "I can't do anything about that though. You can't change how people think." He sighed. "Hyungwon. Would you like to go out another time?"

* * * Friday 7:18 pm

     "This is really good!" Hyungwon praised Hoseok, bringing a smile onto the latter's face. Hoseok had prepared for Hyungwon to come over that night. He made them both dinner and cleaned up the house for a romantic setting.

     "Thank you! I really hoped you would like it, since I don't much know what things you like." Hoseok said. Hyungwon looked up at him with curiosity in his eyes. "I want you to tell me what you like."

     "Really?" Hyungwon said. Hoseok nodded. "No one ever lets me talk about myself except for my grandmother." Hyungwon said. Hoseok chuckled.

     "She must be a lovely lady. Very lucky to hear your amazing voice so much." Hoseok said. Hyungwon's face turned as red as the tomato sauce on his pasta. _So cute..._ Hoseok thought.

     "What do you want to know about my interests?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok thought for a while.

     "Do you watch much tv?" He asked. Hyungwon nodded. "Tell me of your favourite tv show."

     "Can I really?" Hyungwon said excitedly. Hoseok nodded.

     "Of course, talk all you like; I love hearing your voice." This took Hyungwon's breath away. _Fuck, he's too smooth..._ He thought. _I wanna talk about it, but not bore him..._

     "Okay, so it's about..."

* * * Friday 9:13 pm

     "Thank you very much for having me over, hyung." Hyungwon said as he pulled his shoes on. Hoseok smiled at him.

     "You're welcome anytime. I'd like to know more about you." He said. And again, Hyungwon's cheeks flushed like Rudolph's nose. He stared at him for a while before leaning down and pressing their lips together, catching Hoseok off guard. Hoseok chuckled as they parted. "O-oh..."

     "Sorry if that was... wrong." Hyungwon said quietly. Hoseok shook his head.

     "No, not at all." He said as he pressed their lips together again. Hyungwon smiled as they kissed, but ended it shortly.

     "I should be going now. I'll see you on monday." He said. Hyungwon nodded.

     "Get back safe, Hyungwon." Hoseok said as he left the house. Hyungwon left with a smile on his face.

* * * Monday 2:46 pm

     The atmosphere around them stayed the same and the people around them began to get curious about their relationship. At one point their boss, Hyunwoo, even asked Hoseok if they were together. Of course, it was none of his business, but Hoseok just told him that it was nothing to worry about.

* * * Saturday 7:57 pm

     Hoseok had yet again convinced Hyungwon to go on a date with him. This time it was for dinner and a walk on the waterfront. A conversation about Hyungwon's grandmother had sprouted while they were walking.

     "She's really my only family... I have siblings, but... they just don't understand me. It's strange, right? My grandma should probably say that I'm disgusting, but instead, she doesn't care about who I like. My siblings do though... well, they don't really talk to me..." Hyungwon said.

     "What about your parents?" Hoseok asked. With the expression Hyungwon made, it looked like he had stepped on an eggshell, more like a landmine.

     "I don't know about my parents. I only sorta remember my dad. Not him or his face; I only remember that he was there for a bit. But then he disappeared." Hyungwon said.

     "I'm... sorry." Hoseok said.

     "No, it's fine." Hyungwon said. "What about your parents?" Hoseok shook his head.

     "They really only cared when they found out about Mr. Hanarete... they just pitied me to look good, y'know. I won't say you're lucky for not having parents, because that's not true; I just seem to hate mine and wish I didn't know them sometimes." Hoseok said.

     "They didn't hit you, did they?" Hyungwon asked.

     "No, but they only ever brought me out for their own image. They really only cared when I was sick or in trouble. They were selfish. They lived their lives like I wasn't there, so I left like I wasn't there in the first place."

     "Hoseok hyung..."

     "You like to say my name a lot, don't you?" Hoseok said. "It's fine, don't pity me, I'm fine." He chuckled, but his smiled wiped away quite quickly. Their walk was quiet until they got to the pier that stretched 150m over the lake. Hoseok stared at the iridescent lights shining from the pier as they changed colours. Hyungwon stared at his marveling of the colours and smiled.

     "Isn't it beautiful?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok nodded and smiled as well. They stared for a while and Hyungwon's hand wandered for Hoseok's. Hoseok's face heated up when Hyungwon grabbed a hold of his hand and intertwined their fingers. "Hoseokkie hyung." Hyungwon said again.

     "Why do you say that so much?" Hoseok asked.

     "I don't know why. I like it." Hyungwon said. Their faces both heated up as they stared at each other awkwardly. The cold weather helped their faces not to burn off. "Hoseokkie hyung." Hyungwon said again.

     "What?"

     "Hoseok hyung, Hoseok hyung, Hoseok hyung. I like it." He said happily. Hoseok chuckled under his breath, bringing his hand to his mouth. _Cute._ He thought. "Hoseokkie hyung? Can I kiss you again?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok looked at him hesitantly and smiled. "Even if you say no, I might just kiss you anyway if you keep acting so cute."

     "When did _you_ get so bold?" Hoseok laughed.

     "Can I kiss you?"

     "I don't know; can you?" Hoseok replied. Hyungwon frowned and leaned, grabbing Hoseok's face. He then pressed their lips together and moved his hands to Hoseok's neck.

     "I did." Hyungwon informed him as he pulled away. He chuckled lightly as Hoseok's face turned red once again. "Normally you're the one laughing at me as I turn red." Hyungwon laughed. "Haha, cute." Hoseok grumbled.

     "Whatever..."

     "Hoseok, are you off tomorrow?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok nodded. "Good because I am too. I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight."

     "Is that so?"

* * * 8:34 pm

     "Wonnie, Wonnie, slow down." Hoseok chuckled as Hyungwon kissed his neck. They had gone back to Hyungwon's apartment. As they stepped into his room, Hyungwon sat Hoseok and himself down on the bed, lightly pushing Hoseok over. As Hyungwon began to unbutton Hoseok's shirt, Hoseok felt something. _I feel... exposed... like I'm not covering up enough... i want him to hold me, but I wanna be alone at the same time._

     His heart began racing abnormally; it wasn't just fluttering like he was some teenaged boy getting nervous over curiosity. His heart was downright pounding like it was trying to get out of his chest. His breath hitched and it became hard to breathe. His fingertips felt fuzzy and his stomach had butterflies. He looked up at Hyungwon but didn't see Hyungwon's face. He saw someone else's.

     _"Good times become good memories, but bad times become good lessons."_

     _"Stop it please, it hurts!"_

     _"Do you think_ ** _you_** _can tell_ _ **me**_ _what to do?"_

     _"Takumi, please..."_

     "H-Hyungwon, I-I can't... I don't like being like this...it feels strange." Hoseok said as he moved away from Hyungwon.

     "Huh? Are you okay?" Hyungwon asked as Hoseok started hyperventilating. Hoseok shook his head as tears welled up in his eyes.

     "No, I don't like this." He said, his lip trembling and voice cracking as he began to cry. Hyungwon reached out and traced his finger along Hoseok's face. "I'm sorry, Wonnie."

     "No, no, don't apologize, hyung. I'm sorry for bombarding you. Are you okay?" Hyungwon asked in concern, his face looming over Hoseok's.

     "I'm fine, I'm just really sorry for-"

      "Stop apologizing, it's not your fault." Hyungwon said. Hoseok knew that to stop Hyungwon from saying those words he had to just listen to him, so he just looked away and said nothing.

     "Are you sure you're okay?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok wiped his face of the tears and nodded, but the tears just kept falling. "It's okay to say no to that question." Hyungwon said quietly. "Come with me, I'm going to make you some tea." He told him.

     Hoseok nodded and followed Hyungwon to his kitchen. Their hands linked, Hoseok's a bit shaky in Hyungwon's. Hyungwon sat him down on a chair and began boiling water in a kettle on the stove. He sat down next to Hoseok and crossed his arms.

     "You were lying to me that you were okay." He said, laying his head down on the table, staring up at Hoseok. Hoseok avoided eye contact as much as possible.

     "I was scared... I didn't want to seem... stupid... or rude." He said quietly. Hyungwon hummed.

     "I didn't think you could ever be this quiet. I must've really scared you, Hoseokkie hyung." Hyungwon said.

     "It wasn't you, I just had some flash backs." Hoseok said. Hyungwon sighed. "I didn't know you could get like this either."

     "Huh?"

     "It seemed like you hated me a few weeks ago, but now..." Hoseok said. Hyungwon grumbled.

     "I don't know what it is about you that makes me want to act this way." Hyungwon sighed. "Something about your company makes me feel accepted." Hoseok nodded.

     "You're a bit mean sometimes, but I guess your company is pretty good." Hoseok joked. Hyungwon glared at him. "I'm just kidding. Why else would I be so persistent about going out with you?"

     "About that, what is it that made you want to go on a date with me?" Hoseok thought for a while.

     "I'm not sure. There was something about your attitude towards me when we were in the shop alone. The way you rejected me somehow made me want more. I was going to give up on you after our first date, but when you showed concern for me, I felt wanted for once in a long time." Hoseok said. "Even though you're cute on the outside, I think it was your attitude and personality when you're around me that I like a lot more. And especially the way you can speak about things so passionately and for so long. I also like how you say my name and the way you speak." He explained. By this time, Hyungwon was wiping tears off of his face. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No one has ever said that to me before." He cried. He sniffled and covered his face. "Th-that's just... so nice. Oh... this is what I hate about liking someone... it hurts. It seems so much easier to just block yourself off from everyone else so you don't feel that pain." Hyungwon said.

     "You're wrong. I've been doing that since I moved out of my parents house when I was eighteen." Hozeok said. "I spent almost everyday alone and I completely regret it. I wasted so many years of my life isolated. I haven't gone back there in so long. Even after the last words my mother said to me. Even though you should never leave or sleep after an open argument... you never know when you'll see them again and I haven't seen them in seven years. It hurts much more to be lonely and regret your life choices than it is to feel pain for someone else. You create memories with that person and when they leave, they don't want you to be sad over them. I find that feeling pain for someone is wonderful. It's more like love." Hoseok explained passionately. As silence filled in the room, the kettle began whistling. Hyungwon stood up and poured the boiling water into the pot.

     "Like love is it? Are you accusing me of loving you?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok chuckled.

     "I don't know, it depends on how much it hurts." He said.

     "It hurts a lot." Hyungwon mumbled. "I don't like it." Hoseok smiled.

     "It _must_ be love." He laughed.

     "And what if it is?" Hyungwon said, grabbing out cups from his cupboard.

     "So what if it is?"

     "Are you willing to take responsibility? Can I trust you not to break my heart?" Hoseok thought for a while.

     "Of course. I made up my mind a long time ago." Hoseok said as Hyungwon placed a cup of tea in front of him.

     "How long ago?" Hyungwon asked as he sat back down, sipping on his tea.

      "When did you start working at Clipped?" Hoseok asked.

     "Three months ago." Hyungwon replied.

     "Three months ago then." Hyungwon's jaw dropped.

     "What? No." Hoseok nodded. "How?"

     "Your voice seemed nice to me. The way you were so shy about everything on your first day. I thought it was cute. You also seemed like the kind of person that laughs at a joke for too long. I like those people." Hoseok said. He took a sip of the tea. "This is good tea..."

     "Hmmm... now that the topic has popped up, I don't know why I'm attracted to you." Hyungwon said.

     "Oh, thanks." Hoseok laughed. Hyungwon shook his head.

     "No, I didn't mean it like that! You had all these nice things to say about me and I don't know how to explain it to you." Silence filled the room as Hyungwon thought. "I can't say anything special about you, but I guess I liked the way you were so persistent..." He started.

     "Normally, someone would give up after I told them I don't like them. It might sound selfish, but I like the way you didn't give up on me. I also like how you listen when I have to say something because no one ever does that. I think you're just a really great person overall. It sounds weird but I think it's really cute when you apologize so much even if it isn't your fault. It's almost like you're apologizing for people who don't. I think you're really cute if it counts even if those words don't mean much to you." Hyungwon said. "There's just something about you that I like and I don't know what it is."

     "I'm pretty stumped here... I don't know what to say." Hoseok chuckled lightly. He stayed quiet for a while, the smile wiping off of his face as it was replaced with a red pouty face.

     "Hoseok?" Hyungwon asked as Hoseok covered his face. He stood up and made his way over to the latter, examining him. He heard a small sniffle come from the older man. "Hyung... did I-" Hoseok shook his head.

     "No... I'm sorry, I'm being totally lame about this." He mumbled. Hyungwon pondered for a while before lowering himself and wrapping his arms around Hoseok tightly.

     _Is it okay if I do this?_ He thought. Hoseok hugged him back, holding him tightly and crying into his chest. "What's wrong, Hoseokkie?" Hyungwon asked as he rubbed Hoseok's back.

     "I *hic* can't s-stop thinking about h-him." He sobbed. Hyungwon kissed the top of his head.

     "Who?"

     "T-Takumi..." Hoseok said. "Everytime I-I close my eyes... he's... I'm..." He began to cry out.

     "Don't. Don't close your eyes. Look at me, Hoseok." Hyungwon said.

     "Wonnie... I can't..." Hoseok said. "I hate myself..." He cried. Hyungwon brushed his fingers through Hoseok's hair, kissing the top of his head every once in a while.

     "You're a liar." Hyungwon said. Hoseok stared at him with wide eyes. He felt something inside of him boil. _Is this really happening again?_

     "Wonnie... I..."

     "Not for the reasons you think, but you're a liar because you think so lowly of someone who should be sitting on a throne. You're in the position to ride a high horse. You have all the qualifications to ride that horse, but you can't bring yourself to mount it. Are you scared of falling off? Being pushed?" Hyungwon asked.

     "Do you even know yet? Can you really be afraid of the horse if you've never even walked beside it? Just live with it for a while, because you don't know what that horse is capable off. How amazing it is." He said quietly. He began to become flustered and fidgety.

     "Don't just say that stuff about yourself if you don't even understand how amazing you are! You have no right to speak that way about yourself! Because in the end all you'll be is a liar! So just... stop because it's not your fault." Hyungwon said as he felt tears begin to stream down his face. He brought his hand to his face, wiping them off and then staring at his hand. "Oh... oops, I guess I..."

     Hoseok just hunched over in his chair, tears falling on the ground from his squinted shut eyes. He cried like he never had before. The cries that he made full of pain and sorrow had Hyungwon holding his chest. _It hurts..._ Hoseok thought. _It hurts so much..._ Hyungwon held him closer while he cried.

* * * 10:28 pm

     "You cried a lot." Hyungwon pointed out. Hoseok nodded tiredly. He sniffled and hiccuped.

      "I'm sorry for being a *hic* nuisance." He apologized. Hyungwon shook his head, taking his hands out of Hoseok's hair. He tried to back up, but Hoseok grabbed him and held him again. "Sorry." He said, but he didn't let go.

     "I don't think this is being a nuisance. Have you been holding in the tears?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok nodded. "They all built up without you noticing. Like a dam. I don't find it a nuisance to help someone out. I'm glad you got it all out." He said. _How embarrassing..._ Hoseok thought. _So lame._ "It got pretty late... do you wanna just sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch?" Hyungwon asked.

     "I-I don't wanna intrude." Hoseok said. Hyungwon shook his head.

     "No no. I _invited_ you, you're not intruding." Hyungwon chuckled. Hoseok nodded sheepishly.

     "If you're still willing, I'd like to try it again..."

* * * 10:42 pm

     "Is it okay?" Hyungwon asked Hoseok. The latter nodded as Hyungwon slowly pulled out and thrusted back in.

     "Mmm... it- it feels... good..." He moaned out, arching his back. Hyungwon kissed down his back while he thrusted in and out slowly to Hoseok's liking. As he trailed his hands on Hoseok's skin, he thought of how red and dry his skin was. Was it because he cleaned himself so much? The reason for his hands being chapped and dry would be because of dying hair without gloves, but the rest of him was so raw, it looked like he was in pain. "Wonnie, harder..." Hoseok moaned.

     "Are you so sure?" Hyungwon asked. Hoseok nodded, panting loudly. Hyungwon turned Hoseok around, so he could see his face. Hoseok looked away, but Hyungwon grabbed his chin so he would focus on him. Hoseok moaned loudly as Hyungwon began to pump his member slowly.

     "W-Wonnie! Too much, I- ugh... mmhah." Hoseok moaned, closing his eyes and biting his hand as he released into Hyungwon's hand.

* * * Sunday 10:27 am

     Hyungwon stared at Hoseok's body which was draped over his. He stared at his beautiful muscles, the arch in his gorgeous back. He was beautiful to him. A work of art.

     Everything about him was perfect.

     He thought of everything Hoseok had been through, looking at his hips and seeing the self inflicted scars. He frowned at them. It seemed strange for a man of twenty-three to do those things, but for someone who didn't know how to ask for help, it was normal.

     Hyungwon realised this. Hoseok had isolated himself from others for so long that he didn't truly trust anyone enough to ask for help.

     Hyungwon wanted to help him. He wanted to protect him and keep him safe.

     Forever.

     He would never allow anyone to hurt him ever again.


End file.
